Cause I Still Love You
by cmguysgirl
Summary: Erin's thoughts about her Meeting with David Rossi in the episode entitled About Face. Rossi is not actually in this but I hope he decides to tell his side of the story. If you watch the episode, Strauss tries to act unaffected by Rossi in her office, but the next day when she takes his to Hotch's office, she let's her eyes linger on him as she is walking out.


**Cause I Still Love You**

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds. If I did there would be a lot more romantic scenes in their down time and lot more Rossi/Strauss and Morgan/Garcia scenes and I would encourage them to keep the family moments. I don't own the songs that inspired the title either, but I love them and can listen to them over and over again and would love to read a Rossi/Strauss fic to the words.

Visit my forum, You Give Me Fever, dedicated to Rossi and Strauss shipping:  forum/You-Give-Me-Fever/120042/

A/N 1: The title came to me from a Lenny Williams song Cause I Still Love You:  watch?v=eUPOrEohUIU . Not to be confused with Lenny's more famous song of a similar title: Because I love you: watch?v=NTa2Ugibx3A

A/N 2: I have re-watched About Face probably more than I have watched 25 to life and Erin wanted me to to let you know what she was thinking about in this scene. She knows a lot of times her actions are misunderstood, like in 100 when people thinks she was out to crucify Hotch with the questions she was asking the Team. The truth is, she was trying to save Aaron's job. She knew that the only way to get the committee to absolve him of any guilt in Foyet's death and to have them realize it was not revenge but the only way to stop that Homicidal Maniac for killing Agent Hotcher and his son. Her reputation served her well as the agents she questioned, due to their extreme dislike of her, made sure they gave they thought before they gave their answers and left it so there was no doubt that Aaron hadn't acted as a vigilante but did everything in his power to apprehend the perpetrator within the limits of the law but that Foyet refused to let himself be taken down and ultimately lost his life due to that. The only wild card was Hotchner himself. The poor, devastated man was so lost, she wasn't sure he had the emotional strength to even try to defend himself. The inner strength he dug up to answer the committee's questions, earned him a tremendous amount of respect in her book, even though she couldn't show it. She remembers how she felt sitting there as she began to read what had happened to Haley Hotchner like she was just reading an article about the weather and knew it was taking everything she had not to be physically ill and she didn't even really know the woman, and then it dawned on her how hearing it had to be affecting Aaron, and she couldn't finish reading it. She hadn't meant to be so callous, but in her zeal to make sure there was no doubt that Agent Hotchner would be exonerated with no repercussions or black mark on his record, she had gone too far. Yet in a way it had been necessary as no one on the committee would dare have the audacity to try to hang the man out to dry after the evidence she had just presented and it allowed her to officially close the books on the matter for good and convince the higher ups to offer him full retirement benefits even though he didn't have enough years in yet. Strauss doesn't often reveal her secrets but this one time she decided to do it as she was already letting you in a huge way by telling in the story below what she was going through on the day that the Episode About Face took place.

**Cause I Still Love You**

He was back. I can't believe after all these years, David Rossi is back in my life. He has aged over the years, but like a fine wine he has only gotten better. How could the man still look so good after all this time? The attraction was still there like it never left. I tried my hardest to not show him that I still felt the spark between us, but he knew. I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he said, "I missed you too, Erin".

The man who had just left my office, in some ways, would always be an enigma to me. Although in some ways, I knew him better than anyone else in the world, including: his three ex-wives, even though it had been almost ten years since he had been a part of my life. I guess turnabout is fair play since he knows me better than anyone in my life including my children, ex-husband - even my own mother.

I am no profiler vet I can still read people, even if my skills are a little rusty from not being in the field for so many years. I have to be able to read people in my job. For one, I have to be vigilant to signs of burn out or any hints that an agent in my section would be engaging in any type of behavior that would be detrimental to the BAU or the Bureau, itself. Two, as a matter of self preservation; I would never have gotten to where I am today if I didn't have a sixth sense for those who were out to back-stab me and well honed razor sharp skills to do unto others before they have a chance to do unto me.

David would probably never admit it but we are a lot alike. No, I am sure under penalty of death, he would go to the grave swearing he had nothing in common with a vindictive, vile, cold-hearted shrew like that piece of work Section Chief, Erin Strauss, or something to that effect that I had heard him call me before he retired from the bureau.

The fact is David Rossi couldn't be more wrong. In fact, we share too many similarities and that, in a way, is what leads to most of our heated, contentious 'discussions'; We are both stubborn, dedicated to the job, workaholics that are so anal about the smallest details and we are both good at what we do. Sharing those traits is one of the reasons we seem to be so drawn to each other. After all water seeks it's level or so they say.

Yet that isn't to say that, we are completely alike either. We are different enough to have an attraction so magnetic it is stronger than a two ton magnet's attraction to the North Pole. That is why as hard as I might try, I know that now that he is back at the BAU, not to mention having to work with him as a senior member of Alpha team, there is no way I will be able to resist him long.

I have called David Anthony Rossi a lot of uncomplimentary names over the years. Most people who have ever worked with the two of us would probably swear in a court of law that I, Erin Michelle Strauss and he David Anthony Rossi hate each other. But you know what they say about there being a think line between love and hate; When it comes to the relationship between David and I, the line becomes so blurry that it is infinitesimal. That is why I hesitated in making the call to him today after my boss - the Director of the FBI, informed me that Rossi was coming back to the BAU and he wanted him on Alpha team. He told me to call him in today and give him his credentials before he gave me a glare and warned me to play nice and welcome Rossi back with open arms.

In the back of my mind, I knew what would happen once I saw him again, he'd have me under his spell again before he even set foot on Bureau soil again. I could clearly envision my downfall with the first words he spoke when he answered the phone. Why, was still beyond me as the man wasn't even polite enough to say hello. He just growled my name. But there was something about the rich timbre of his voice that cause my heart to skip a beat and told me nothing had changed in the ten years he was gone.

That is why I made a desperate, last ditch effort to change his mind about coming out of retirement. Yet not even the reminder that he wouldn't be Top Dog in this dog and pony show, was enough to deter David.

When that effort failed, I had no choice but to shake his hand, welcome him back, and give him his credentials. I have been a Section Chief for the last fifteen years, five with Cyber Crime before I was tapped to take over the BAU a few months before David ... I really do need to start thinking of him and referring to him as Agent Rossi, retired. Over the years, out of necessity, I have developed a mask that has served me well in hiding my true emotions. It is a skill that has come in handy when dealing with the Old Boy's club of the FBI. To show my emotions or even reveal that I have emotions would make me look weak in the eyes of some of the chauvinist I work with.

Not all men in the Bureau or even the higher up offices are chauvinist, but enough of them are that as a female who has her eyes set on the Upper Management jobs, more specifically the Deputy Director's first and finally the Director's position, I can't afford to take the chance of showing any signs of weakness, unless I want to tank the career I have already sacrificed so much, including my marriage, for. That is why I never display any signs of weakness in the office, not even in my handshakes.

When I extend my hand to shake someone else's hand, my grip is firm and solid, indicating I am confident in my abilities and that I **WILL BE** respected. That is why I was so proud of myself, that my hand didn't shake, when I reached out to shake David's hand. Of course that was all ruined when I let go of the handshake so abruptly. Oh I tried to act nonchalant about it as I reached down and picked up his new credentials and handed them to him, but I felt the electricity between us in that quick, simple touch.

I was hoping he wouldn't notice but it seems that even though he hasn't been a profiler in a decade, the man hasn't lost his touch, when it came to non-verbal cues. Oh he noticed alright. He could have done the gentlemanly thing and pretended he didn't but that wouldn't have been the David Rossi I know and unfortunately lust after. No he just had to rub it in by saying, "I missed you too, Erin". The word too implies that I missed him also and I never said that. I would have remembered the words coming out of my mouth. Once again, I tried not to react, but I know he caught the quick flash of heat in my eyes. It is only now that I am alone in my office and my heart has finally slowed down from it's silly, school girl reaction - to David telling me he missed me, that I can reflect on what Rossi's return to the BAU means to me personally.

It is like I said to him, I still don't understand why he is back. It's not the money, power or recognition - he gets more of that from his career as an acclaimed author. So why is he back? Knowing the answer to this puzzle would help me decided how to proceed in the way I deal with David. If this is just a lark and he will re-retire after a case or two, I might be able to escape the agency's most notorious seducer with only a few singe marks. But if something deeper that his own ego is driving his return and he is back at the BAU for the long hall... well there is no way he'd will let me go until I have been consumed by his fire. No matter how hard I fight it, he will have me in his bed. I know it and from his I missed you too response, he made sure I knew he knew it also. It is just a matter of time.

Maybe I can delay the inevitable by convincing HR to insert a few more Fraternization Rules into the Handbook. They aren't exactly any hard and fast rules about co-workers dating or even Superiors and Subordinates, even if it is frowned upon in most cases. Not that Rossi or most of the other BAU agents had to know that. She had always let it be known that interdepartmental relationships were taboo and against the Frat "Rules", since she became Section Chief and yes a large part of that was due to David Rossi and the cat and mouse game they played, not to mention an almost in vain attempt to keep him out of bed with any one else in the agency after we broke up the first time. David, being David, went back to chasing everything in a skirt, but that didn't mean I had to sit back and let him rub it in my face, not if I had the power to prevent it. So I did what I do best, I manipulated people's perceptions of the rules in my favor. Vague passages in the handbook were reinterpreted in the memos I sent out and I became know sticker for protocol and procedure.

It isn't my fault if most agents with the exception of a very few like Spenser Reid and Aaron Hotchner actually read the Handbook, even though they signed a statement, that they had. I knew Spenser Reid read it as it was just in the walking reference book's nature to read everything he got his hands on. Heck it probably took him less than five minutes to read it in the first place, since he reads at the speed of light (In the back of my mind, I could hear the good Dr. correcting me that light travels much quicker).

As a former lawyer, Aaron Hotchner had no doubt read it cover to cover more than once and knew every loophole that allows him any wriggle room to save his bacon, when I drag him to my office to rake him over the coals about his teams latest escapades that usually have one local police department or another screaming in my ear, giving me a headache due to their maverick actions.

From past experience, I am more than sure Rossi, Morgan and Prentiss use it as a paperweight until they are already knee deep in trouble and are desperately grasping for one of the aforementioned loopholes, when I am about to figuratively kick their butts with a pair of steel toed boots.

Yes, the reminder about the Fraternization Rules would help delay the inevitable but I am not sure that is the way to proceed the more I think about it. If I do that, it will just give Rossi even more confirmation of how I still feel about him, even after all these years.

Oh he has not started circling the water just yet. Yes, he'll allow himself to be spotted but just briefly but then he will sink back below the surface. Once he smells fear or blood in the water, he'll start circling like the shark he is.

To everyone else my bite is worse than my bark, but not to Rossi. David would just present me with the other cheek and tell me he likes it when I get kinky.

David and I have known each other so long we know exactly what buttons to push to get each other's blood boiling. No one in the world can ignite my temper as fast as the man and he takes great pleasure in that. Normally he uses it to his advantage to get me into his bed shortly after for the most intensely passionate sex of my life. I don't know what it is about the man that gives him the power to seduce me so easily - no matter what roadblock or stall tactic I place between us; Some how, some way, he manges to get me alone, away from the workplace after our argument and before I know it, he has mysteriously removed all my clothes and I am screaming his name as he works his sexual magic on my overheated body, not letting up until I am begging him not to stop.

When David left the agency all those years ago, I was glad to get off the roller coaster ride. That is not to say that I haven't run into him over the years at some function or another and mussed the sheets with him.

In general, I don't believe in one night stands. I pride myself on realizing my self worth and making sure any man, who is** lucky** enough to end up in my bed, has earned it and knows what he has to do to keep a spot there, yet all that flies out the window when it comes to David Rossi. No matter how many times I promise myself that we will never do that again, no matter how many times I haughtily inform him that I will not be sleeping with him ever or receive his laughing reply of sure you won't Bella, before he winks at me - the next thing I know, his lips will have gravitated to that particular spot on the back of my neck that I swear has a direct connection to my most intimate feminine parts and before I know it, I am panting under him, over him, or besides him in the throes of sexual ecstasy.

Realistically, I know that I don't have the power to resist him now anymore than I have ever had. The man is a charmer, as seducer and he definitely has the power to seduce me, seemingly without even trying.

As well as I know David and I are going to hook up again, I also know he isn't the type of man to be tied down, three divorces are a testament to that. Oh he has changed some over the years, there is no doubt about that. He looks even more handsome and distinguished with a little salt in his hair and beard but I don't think he's changed enough to settle down once and for all and become a family man.

So as much as I know I will enjoy our playtime together, heck I am actually eagerly anticipating his first move, if I am completely honest with myself. It has been a long, long time, almost three years, since I last had a sexual partner, but I also know I have to do what I can to protect my heart and not get in too deep with Rossi as I have three children at home to set a good example for. The kind of relationship I have with David Rossi, if you can even call it a relationship, is not what I want my children to emulate as I can tell them first hand, it only leads to unbearable heartache.

Oh I've heard the jokes, over the years, about me not having a heart, but that is okay as that is the image I want to portray to the world. No one needs to know about the agonizing tears I shed late at night when I am all alone and certain no one can hear me. It is okay if my detractors feel I don't have a heart , I know I have one and that is enough. I also know that romantically, that fragile heart of mine is in trouble. I can't prevent that but I can prevent David Rossi from getting me in 'trouble' in another way, I think as I pick up the phone and call my Dr. for an appointment to get a prescription for Birth Control.

The End (for now)...

CMGUYSGIRL


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